Nonsense! 1.314101

Yet more tidbits from the nary dusted, more darker corners of my mind.
I know things people don’t know. For instance, look at Bob. He has gone for days complaining about the reek of excrement following him around. What he doesn’t know is, during an intense congress with the toilet, he had unknowingly gobbed a piece [...]

Nonsense! 1.0

These are the weird little things that occurred to me during my late night paid binges of fluorescent light, that give me pause mid-task to jot down in my little notebook these squiggles, making me wonder if there is such a bar defining normalcy, whether I would frighten some people I knew if they read [...]

Primary Secondaries

His gargantuan form pushed through the door into a litter-strewn hallway, the dirty stalks of his shoulder-length hair scraping his stubbled cheek. Gray eyes—cold gunmetal—scanned the premises. A bare light bulb flickered, lending Brick’s movement a strobe-like fervor as he strode with lethal grace to the end of the hall. His assignment was simple enough, [...]

Jack and Buck

Jack: My, my, you’re incisive today.
Buck: I have to be. Otherwise I wouldn’t be very useful, don’t you think?
Jack: The least you could do is stop being a prick.
Buck: It’s the nitty gritty of reality.
Jack: Well, reality hurts.
Buck: There’s no pixie dust, no royalty to transport. That’s fantasy. This is the next best thing, believe [...]

The Metaphysician

The doctor is in. Come. Sit. Philosopher’s Stone. What doesn’t seem to be the complaint? Open up, say Id. Hmm… what the archetype is that?! Ahh. Ontology caught in Theology, or should I say, Solipitic.

Garden Felicitations

Miss Olivia Ladgrise confers with a close acquaintance, the Madam Jessica Souperkoup, concerning the subject of a favorite employee and his esteemed qualities in the garden and kitchen:
I love how he manhandles my watermelons and delicately plucks my strawberries. The cherries he drops into my hand, so succulent! Cucumbers, corn, carrots, celery, and eggplants! Many [...]

Sexploduction

Sexploduction bursts of miscegeneration. Tattoo on a slender weft of eternity. Hot, futile panting breath.
The female strength ANIMAtes from womb to womb and knits mankind to himself with ANIMUSity.
The yin principle is strong in the micromythical despite the yang’s strength in the macrohistorical.
Two currents stream, the quick river of living flesh and the slow flotsam [...]

An Oodle of Doodles

Half-arsed doodles from my journal I found funny, maybe original enough enough to share. If you don’t agree, it’s ok. My sense of humor is a ballpark of its own.

What does the Invisible Man do in his free time, namely,
when he’s moonlighting as a character in a comic strip?

The Pathetic Fallacy

Broken Strings: Conversations

“Fuzzy dice?”
“Every boy oughta have one for his first car,” he said slipping it around the rearview mirror.
“All righty-y, I guess. Thanks, paw…”
A door slams open.
“My ass stinks!”
“And that’s news?”
“C’mon man! No matter how much I wipe, I can’t ever seem to get it clean.”
“You should keep going until there’s nary a whiff on the [...]

A Dog’s Day

Valentine Stagbour saunters out of the hotel lobby, ballooning bosoms and swaying hips, wrapped with a tight pink number that makes her seem all legs. Her platinum blond bob bobs along with her boob job, framing a sexy oval face pasted with the sour expression only the rich have. Four inch heels elevate her to [...]

Gesundheit!

Approaching the dream busker, owl-eyed thanks to the John Lennon shades perched on hooked beak, he opened his clammy, beard-rimmed mouth. Pearly in their moist chamber hedged by unruly strands, delicate considering their owner’s standards, incisively enameling the issue in regards, debriding breath: ‘Instant zen, to go. I would get some cartoons in my head.’
Sugar-tongued with enough grape [...]

Narcissus Upon the Face of Time

The Time Traveller let himself into the darkened room.
The Time Traveller, lying in bed, saw the man enter.
The Time Traveller walked to the bed and with cool hands reached  down, to warm naked flesh.
The Time Traveller reached up onto cool skin, undid jean buttons and grasped cock with hotslick precome.
The Time Traveller, through the back [...]

How I Crack Myself Up!

One morning he came home from work looking ten years older, with faded scars where there were none last night, but his skewed grin was just the same, if not wilder. He burst through the door and grabbed her arms, and through softly stinking breath said, “Put on a pot for me, dear?” Then he [...]

Dream Time

In the shrunken hours of night the phone rang off its hook and with sopping lips I answered, “Yes?” I wiped the juices that ran down my jowls with the back of my hand and cradled the receiver against my shoulder, murmuring the squirming form next to me with my other hand. Like thin syrup [...]

Peeoop

Peeoop: the act of urination and defecation undertaken simultaneously.
What a surprise! John peeooped his pants again!
Do you have difficulty peeooping? The measured time and volume of peeoopance suggests you do.
To peeoop or not to peeoop, that is the issue.

Nowhereism

Nowhereism (No-where-ism): in all seriousness, a brand of literature that seeks to be given credence, as it honestly and inaccurately describes the direction our daily lives take, no matter how the parties intimate with said lives may say otherwise. It may pretend to intellectualism when there is none, spout blatant drivel when there is [...]

A.M.

Come up set your foot on that cool stool there, tread softly. Witness the heated circular discourse of tempered metal. Derange the little kettle whistle amid thermodynamic ruminations. Cold tin: plucked, roasted, crushed, pulverized beanstore: scoop, scoop, scoop: frosty steam collected within glass walls: French press. Hydrogen and oxygen compounds tumble over stainless steel [...]

Cheeseburger Hill

The advent of warm days, oddly enough, encourages congestion in throat of city, and the warm sidewalk is laid bare of human feet. Except… for two large individuals, who barely squeeze their portions within the wide sloping sidewalk. One, him, has to trample the grass and enroach dangerously close to the hillstreet’s edge. He remarks [...]

Eroticapitulations

He was frightened of closets. Storage closets, coat closets, supply closets: they were all the same. Everyone said it was cleisiophobia, but deep down inside, he knew if he was to step in a closet he would have to come out.
In the naked light she leans back, her bronze hand brazening her salt wet brow, [...]

All Mixed Up

A crush of movement. Strobing light and sound. Cellophane color music. Jerk and grind of bodies. Powdered nostrils and sweat beaded brows. The Time Traveller adjusts his lapels, flicks a wayward lock, bares a grin at nobody in particular, and checks out his chronoscope. He elbows his companion and says through white teeth more accustomed [...]