Garden Felicitations

Miss Olivia Ladgrise confers with a close acquaintance, the Madam Jessica Souperkoup, concerning the subject of a favorite employee and his esteemed qualities in the garden and kitchen:

I love how he manhandles my watermelons and delicately plucks my strawberries. The cherries he drops into my hand, so succulent! Cucumbers, corn, carrots, celery, and eggplants! Many small mushrooms of all kinds and some quite large ones with a sweet flavor and a salty tang.

Red tomatoes, pressed together until they explode pulp to be simmered. He strokes the basil with tenderness as he brings it close to savor the scent. What magic he does with my oreganos, you would like to know! But it’s our secret. Oh. He clutches at my pomegranates with a thirst in his eyes. My avocados soften in the heat forged by his skilled hands.

Rhubarb! Oh, his rhubarb pie makes me melt with candied delight.


4 responses to “Garden Felicitations

  1. I was trying to go for something at the end that shows it all wasn’t an innuendo, kinda reversing it all, but it evidently fell flat on its face. I can’t think of anything to discredit all these descriptions as innuendos…

  2. Maybe along the likes of this:

    Oh, tonight Arturo is taking me out on the town! I hope he thinks it is our first date, and just maybe I will get a firsthand taste of the love he gives his victuals.

    Or some raggedy poppycock.

  3. Hmmm, well, I say leave it without any mention of what it could really be. The innuendos of garden veggies are good enough! I got the picture….

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