“Fuzzy dice?”
“Every boy oughta have one for his first car,” he said slipping it around the rearview mirror.
“All righty-y, I guess. Thanks, paw…”
A door slams open.
“My ass stinks!”
“And that’s news?”
“C’mon man! No matter how much I wipe, I can’t ever seem to get it clean.”
“You should keep going until there’s nary a whiff on the toilet paper.”
“I’d go through three rolls!”
“You gotta do what you gotta do.”
“Sage advice, man. Well, I guess I should be glad its your turn to buy the toilet paper.”
A door slams shut. Muffled: “In bulk, please.”
“Doh!”
“Marianna…”
“Who?”
“Oh, shit!”
“This likes but that this likes that is that.”
“That likes this and this likes that?”
“Yes!…well, no. This likes that and that likes that.”
“What’s this do then?”
“This is like that, and that, like, is that.”
“So that’s it.”
“I’d sleep with a donut.”
“I’ve seen him do it.”
“No, you haven’t!”
“Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“You should see what he does with the hole.”
“All right, that’s enough, guys!”
“…uh an de zum uv ul puzbl owums eewals de eevrs wech brees usfulkercle tu owr oreganating archewment.”
“Uh wot’s dat, chum?”
“Ah shown’t tal and chew, huh?”
“Keep your eyes peeled.”
“Uh…”
“Wotsmatter?”
“I haven’t done this since the army and, uh…”
“The fuck you talking about?”
“Having performed such procedures and witnessing its effects I’m leery of doing it, much less inflicting it on myself.”
“At it, pussy! I’m asking nothing more from you but to keep your eyes open.”
“B-bu–”
“No buts!”
“Master, bate yourself and attend the cunning lynx to us!!”
“Cor!”
vignettes 